


Mother Not So Dearest

by Riven_Charlatan



Category: The Magnificent Seven (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2017-04-03
Packaged: 2018-10-14 13:04:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10537026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Riven_Charlatan/pseuds/Riven_Charlatan
Summary: Ezra and his mother struggle with their new situation. (so this is a slightly AU version, still Old West, but in this version Ezra met some of the other 7 before under strange circumstances.  Sorry my headcannon is a weird place.)





	1. Hell Hath No Fury...

“I said, no!” Ezra asserted.

“But Ezra, dear, why not?” his mother asked sweetly.

    “Because, the money we found does not belong to us, yet.” He replied.

    “When did that ever stop us?” she purred.

    “When I said ‘us’ I meant the others and I, not you and I.” He corrected.

    “Oh, you don’t need them!”

    “That’s a matter of opinion.  I happen to think I like where I am right now.”

    “You’ve just become complacent and lazy, dear.” She patted his cheek.

    “Mother, I am not helping you to take the money from the bank and that’s final.”  He turned away from her.

    “Why are you so selfish?  It’s all about you now…” she scolded.

    “Me?  I believe I’ve earned that right after all you’ve put me through!” He snapped. “To come here and expect me to betray my friends for you…”

    “They’re not your friends.  You always try so hard to be accepted Ezra and you always fail.  When will you learn?”

    “Apparently never.” He responded.

    “I blame myself for not correcting that little character flaw of yours… you always had a streak of kindness in you.” 

    “Better a streak than none at all like you!” he shot back.

    “That was uncalled for! You’re ungrateful, you know that?”

    “If we’re done here, you can leave my room.” He answered sullenly.

    “I’m not done!  You never appreciated what I’ve taught you!”

    “Because I’ve found a better way to live.  All your way got me was pain, defeat and a broken heart.”

    “You always caused those things yourself by being so bleeding heart sensitive!” she countered.  “You returned that money to that preacher that I stole when you were little.  I had to punish you…”

    “By telling me it was my fault we didn’t have enough money to feed both of us because of what I did?” he asked quietly.

    “It taught a lesson.  Then just when I thought you’d seen the light and started stealing things I find you giving them away to a strange little orphan boy!”

    “He needed them!” he objected.

    “We needed the money!” she argued.

    “You did.”

    “And then when you ruined my little rouse with the man who owned that profitable brothel by telling one of the prostitutes that I was a fraud…”

    “I didn’t like lying to her, she was a good woman.  She was my friend’s mother. She asked me what my life was like and I explained. It’s not my fault that you were such a horrific mother that it tipped your hand!”

    “And then I taught you the value of keeping your mouth shut and never tipping your hand. Lies saves lives, Ezra.”

    “You didn’t have to teach me a lesson by gambling me away to a slave owner!” Ezra growled.

    “You learned your lesson though, even though you still tried to be noble.  Why you ever stuck your hide out to be whipped instead of a slave boy I will never understand.  You’d be dead by now if I wasn’t around to look after you!”

    “You honestly don’t care that I was whipped, branded, beaten and my shoulder was ripped from its socket?” Ezra asked point blank.

    “It served a purpose, made you tougher.”

    “And that other man you lost me to?  Did you know what he was going to do to me?” Ezra challenged.

    “Ezra that was all your fault.  You volunteered to take it instead of that little boy who was living there.  You are the one who caused all your misery not me!”

    “I would never have been in any of those situations if you weren’t a sadistic, self-absorbed, sociopath!” Ezra finally snapped.

    She slapped him across the face hard.  “How dare you talk to your mother that way!”

    “Really?  Have you no remorse? Mother, I have already told you I will not participate in your nefarious plans anymore, especially not here, not in this town.” Ezra answered.

    “You always were a liability.” She shouted as she pushed out the door and past Chris who had paused in the hallway outside.

   There was a long silence then Chris asked, “You okay?”

    “Mortified.” Was all Ezra could manage.

“She’s a hard drink to swallow.” Chris smiled.

“Did you… were you listening?” Ezra asked as he turned his back to Chris.

“I was. That a problem?”

Ezra felt a flush come across his cheeks, he hadn’t meant anyone to hear his words, especially not Larabee.

Chris pulled Ezra around to face him and kissed him deeply and passionately.   Ezra’s wide eyes searched Chris’ face for any sign that this was a cruel joke.  He found none.

    “You look confused.” Chris grinned.

    “I don’t understand… Mr. Lara…”

    Chris cut him off with another kiss.  “Call me Chris.  And the only thing you need to understand is that I love you Ezra Standish.”

    “Chris?” Ezra’s voice quavered.

    Chris embraced him and Ezra’s warm, wet tears splashed onto Chris’ dusty black shirt.

    “Nothing’s gonna hurt you anymore Ezra.  I won’t let it.” He soothed, running his hands through the gambler’s soft brown hair.

    “I love you too.” Ezra said, through his tears.

    “I know you do.  You came back, twice.” Chris smiled at him.


	2. ... Like a Woman Scorned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Revelations come to light

    Maude Standish was fit to be tied.  She wanted to hurt Ezra.  She wanted to ruin his reputation so he had to leave. She intended to start by maligning him to his so called friends.  Her eyes came to rest on Vin Tanner.  The tracker was sitting outside his wagon, polishing his spyglass.  The case was sitting next to him.  She drew closer.  Suddenly she recognized the object as one she had seen a long time ago.  “Where did you get that?” she demanded.

    Vin instinctively pulled the case closer and his grip tightened on the spyglass, “A friend give it to me, long time ago.” He shrugged.

    “A friend? You mean when you were a child?”

    “Yes Ma’am.”

    “Was this friend a little boy?” she asked.

    “Sure was.  Smart as a whip, clever as a coyote.” Vin smiled at the memory.

    “Where did he get it?”

    “I reckon he prob’ly stole it.” Vin replied guarded.

    “Damn right he did.  That little bastard nearly got me arrested for it too!” she spat out.

“Are you sayin’ it was Ezra that give it to me?” Vin asked.

“Well he gave it to someone!  When they came to search for it he didn’t have it… He brought it to me and I said what in the world do you want that for. He said he didn’t want it, his orphan did… oh Lord… You’re his orphan!” Maude groaned.

“His… orphan?” Vin scratched his head.

“One day Ezra came in and took a bunch of our food and left again.  When I confronted him later he told me he’d ‘found himself an orphan boy.’  And that he needed to feed him and take him a warm blanket.  I forbid it of course but things kept disappearing from me, from the town… finally he took that from a very grisly looking man who was not very happy about it.  He and the local law came knocking at my door and demanding to know where it was.  Seems someone saw Ezra playing near his place that day and thought he might have taken it.  I swore up and down I hadn’t seen it and he didn’t bring anything home with him.  They were so close to arresting me but then they went to search elsewhere.  That thing made me have to leave town.” She glared so hard at the object that Vin snatched up the case and put it away.

“Sorry it caused ‘ya trouble.”

“I told Ezra to take care of himself and not others but he’s always had a hard time with that lesson.  Said you needed that damn thing if you were going to become a great tracker when you went to live with Indians, I thought he was crazy.  For a while I thought you were his imaginary friend.”

“Ezra…” Vin smiled.

“Don’t you smile!  Ezra is bad news!  Can’t you see that?” She prodded.

“I see a man confused, a man afraid of his own shadow stabbing him in the back… I see a man who tries to push everyone away ‘cuz he’s afraid to be close to anyone, even someone he used to know.” Vin replied thoughtfully.  “A man full of shame and pain for the things he did or had done to him… I see more than most…”

“You look too deep.” She snapped as she went on her way, realizing she couldn’t turn him against Ezra.

“Oh Ezra… I know your secret now.” Vin smiled to himself.

 

The next person she met was JD.  “Young man… would you trust my son with your life?”she demanded of him.

“Yes Ma’am.  Ezra’s got our backs.” JD smiled. “You raised a good son.”

“I had very little to do with anything good about him.” she bristled.  “I spent as little time as possible with that pathetic little boy.”

“Ezra’s not pathetic.”

“He’s some sort of masochistic martyr then!” she growled.  “Why else would he let himself get hurt for other people?  Where is his sense of priority?”

“I see where he gets all those big words from.  He gets hurt to protect people.  That’s his job.  What do you mean you spent as little time as possible with him? Aren’t you his mother?” JD was confused.

“I got rid of him every chance I got.  Left him with relatives, left him with strangers – didn’t matter. And I don’t mean now. I meant back then he had this overprotective hero streak.  Had some fool idea that his Daddy must have been a military hero… and that he was better than what I gave him.  Ungrateful child.”

“You left him with strangers?” JD frowned. “Don’t you think he deserved better?”

“Better?  If you ask me he deserved far worse than what he got!  Beating wasn’t good enough for the betrayal he caused me.  I left him with a stable owner and he managed to become a punching bag for the old drunk because he wanted to spare some child that lived there- where is his common sense?” she snapped.

“Would that stable happen to have been somewhere up East?” JD breathed.

“Somewhere over there in that god forsaken part of the country… you’ll see, Ezra will betray you- he always does, sooner or later.” She stalked off.

JD suddenly wanted to talk to Ezra about his time in the East, he had a suspicion that Ezra had been the young man who had come to live with them and saved him from many a brutal attack by the stable master.

 

She then came upon Josiah, whom she usually avoided like the plague.  She walked right up to him and slid her arm around his.  “Tell me, surely YOU can agree with me that Ezra has the devil in him. He’s hardly the type to rely on to protect your town.”

“Well… Ezra has many demons but he has learned to quiet a few of them.” Josiah considered.

“What the hell does that mean?” She said exasperated.  “You preachers…”

“Ezra does the right thing in his own time.” Josiah explained.

“He chooses very bad times to do the right thing.” She sulked.

“Such as?”

“I blame myself.  I never should have joined up with those missionaries when he was so young and impressionable!  He learned too many morals form your kind.  You know after we left I caught him reading a Bible!”

“And that was a bad thing?” Josiah sounded amused.

“That book is full of nonsense and lies.  Even at his age, Ezra was precocious and he asked me about something he read, I realized where he’d gotten it from and I took it away from him.  I told him that was just a book preachers use to scare crooks straight.”

“That’s unfortunate.  The Lord can help in many ways, open your heart, Maude…”

“Save it for Sundays.  You know what he did?  My stupid son took the money I had stolen from the collection and he had the audacity to return it!  We needed that money!  He never understood the importance of self preservation.”

“Oh he understands it, all too well.” Josiah shook his head sadly.  “And now I see why.  God says to put others before yourself…”

“Ezra is a fool and so are you!” she snorted as she turned to leave.

Josiah shook his head, “In this case I won’t hold the sins of the mother against the son.” He smiled as he remembered the much younger Ezra and his mother as they had traveled with his missionary group.

 

She bumped into Buck rounding the stables.

“Oh sorry, Ma’am.” Buck tipped his hat.

“Mr. Wilmington, Ezra tells me that you speak highly of your mother.  You respect her don’t you?”

“My mother is a saint!” he nodded.

“A man should respect his mother, right?” she prodded.

“I suppose so but… the mother should respect her son too.” Buck half agreed with her.

“What do you mean?”

“Well for example, I knew this kid, his mother was real controlling, and mean.  She asked him to do bad things all the time like steal our silverware and stuff.  He was always real polite though and funny.  My mother sat him down one day and they had a talk.  The things he told us about his life… his mother was a cold woman.  It was sad.  He kept making excuses for all the bad parts, because we could see that he really loved his mother but that she didn’t love him back, just wanted to use him.  He told my mother all about how she made him lie, cheat and steal or she’d punish him.  He said he wished she was like my mother.  If you ask me, a mother like that isn’t worthy of respect from her own son.”

“Except what the boy didn’t realize was that in telling his sad tale he ruined his mother’s plan to wed the wealthy brothel owner where your mother lived and worked which would have erased all their financial problems… but no, Ezra had to open his cursed little mouth and tell the damn truth which your mother then told to the master of the house and we were forced to run… again, because of something HE did.”

Buck realized what she had just said, that Ezra had been the boy he’d played with long ago.  Every atrocity the boy had recited to them that had made Buck angry came flooding back to him and he knew he was face to face with the person who caused Ezra all that pain.  “Ma’am, good day, I don’t think it’s real smart for us to keep talkin’ right now.” He excused himself and went to punch the stable wall.

 

She was now very angry, thinking back on every plan Ezra had ever ruined, she was frustrated and puzzled as to how on earth he had managed to end up in town with every man he had ever come in contact with on a positive level. She stopped to talk with a coachman about borrowing his horses and coach in order to complete her plans that evening.  Afterward she thought long and hard but couldn’t think of a way to get back at Ezra.  She frowned until she saw that Nathan was on patrol.  She knew Nathan wouldn’t have a reason to like Ezra.

“Hello.” She purred.

“Saw you talkin’ to the coachman, leavin’ so soon?” Nathan asked.

“Ungrateful Ezra, he said he didn’t want to see me!”

“That don’t sound like Ezra.  He loves you, reads all your letters to Buck and everything.” Nathan answered.

“Love is for babies and fools.  Tell me, have you forgiven Ezra for taking your money?” she mused.

“Well it really wasn’t our money, and he didn’t get too far, and he got injured, I figure he had enough punishment.” Nathan shrugged.

“Really?  I’d think you of all people would want to see him get his comeuppance?”

“He did do right in the end.  But there is something I wanted to ask you.  I asked Ezra but he won’t tell me.  How did he dislocate his shoulder the first time it happened?” Nathan pondered.

“Bar fight.” She lied.

“Really?  ‘Cuz when I reset it- it slid pretty far, that kind of says it happened often and at an earlier age.” He fished for an answer.

“I wouldn’t know.” She shrugged.

“And something else odd.  When I went to fix the gunshot wound… he made me turn around while he took off his coat and vest and shirt.  And he only let me look once he was laying down on his back.  What was that all about?” Nathan continued.

“How should I know?”

“You are his mother.”

“I’m not surprised he doesn’t want anyone to know. He got punished for something.” She answered vaguely.

“Punished?  As in he has scars he don’t want us to see?”

“Yes.  Ezra was whipped.  Don’t ask him about it, it embarrasses him.  He cheated a man out of his life savings and spent it all before he could pay him back so they took it out of his hide.  Despicable little man, my Ezra.  If you really press him, he won’t tell you that of course.  He’ll try to make the story sound like he did something heroic.  But you’re smarter than that, Mr. Jackson.  I think you’re the only one here who can see through him and not buy his lies.” She lied.

The way she smiled at him as she left made Nathan wary of what she had just said.  He wasn’t sure what she was hiding or why she was bad mouthing her son.


	3. Unforgivable Acts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get bad.

That night they were all sitting the saloon.  Vin, Buck, JD, and Josiah were trying to think of ways to let Ezra know that they each knew who he was, but none of them could figure out why Ezra hadn’t said anything to anyone about how he knew them.

“Bank’s been robbed!” someone called.

The seven men leapt into action.  They split up to cover more ground.  Ezra noticed the carriage that was sitting at the ready near the gate but there was no driver present.  He approached cautiously, his gun at the ready. The door opened suddenly, throwing him off guard and a hooded figure stepped down from inside.

“Hold it right there.” Ezra threatened, pointing the derringer at the figure.

“Why Ezra, darlin’, you wouldn’t shoot your beloved mother, would you?” Maude said playfully as she lowered the hood.

“Mother!  Return what you have stolen and I may be able to make restitution for this…”

“Sorry, Ezra- you wouldn’t help me so you don’t get a cut of the profit!”

“I don’t want one!” He moved towards her slowly.

“Now Ezra, dear, don’t move.” She warned.

“Mother I cannot let you do this…” he pleaded with her as he took another step towards her.

One more step and he would be on top of her.  “Don’t take one more step.” She threatened.  “You can and you will let me go, I am your mother and you owe me that much.”

“I don’t owe you anything… you sucked my soul from me since the day I was born.” Ezra answered.  He took another step, he could just reach out and grab her now…

Suddenly she lunged forward, “I warned you!” she called. “Let your soul be free then!”

Ezra caught a glint of metal in the moonlight before he felt the searing pain in his side.  He looked down to see the knife she’d plunged between his ribs.  “M… moth…er.” He winced as he collapsed against the back of the carriage for support.

She ran her long fingernails down his cheek, leaving a crimson trail from each, stinging his face, “Nothing personal, we’re on opposite sides of the law now, boy, all is fair in love and war!”

She pushed past him and jumped up into the driver’s seat, sending the horses off.

Ezra toppled into the dust, unable to hold himself up against the pain now that the carriage had lurched away.  The movement caused the embedded blade to twist, go deeper and widen the injury on the way down.  Ezra whimpered, he tried to free the blade but touching it hurt more than not touching it. The blood oozed over his hand and he felt numb from the final betrayal he had just experienced.  He attempted to stand but it hurt too much.

“Over here…” Buck called.  “They’re getting away.”

“Ezra?” Chris ran to the fallen man.

“Chris, listen…” Ezra gasped.

“Make it quick.” Chris commanded.

“Don’t hurt her…” Ezra said.

“Her?”

“That was my mother… she has the money inside.”

“Damn it.  Josiah, Nathan- you two take care of Ezra the rest of us will saddle up and try to find her.” Chris barked. “Hang in there, Ezra.” Chris felt slightly guilty for just earlier having said nothing would hurt the gambler anymore and then this happened.  “Nathan, make sure he’s still breathing when we get back.”

“Ezra, you okay?” Nathan called as he and Josiah came to his side.

“She… she stabbed me… I am… no longer… useful to her.” The pain in his face and voice was so great that Josiah and Nathan both felt it. It had finally sunk in that he was now just another victim of her cruelty.

Josiah and Nathan carefully picked him up and carried him to Nathan’s room.  Josiah started to remove Ezra’s coat.

“No… let me…” Ezra struggled out of his jacket painfully.  His now trembling hands fumbled with the buttons on his shirt, fully realizing that there was a knife sticking out of his ribcage.  He felt suddenly woozy.

“Settle down, we’ll have to cut your shirt off.” Nathan instructed.

Josiah helped Ezra to ease himself down. Ezra felt the blood running down the burning cuts on his face.  He touched the knife handle again, the blood still oozing from beneath was warm and strange.

“Is it… bad?” Ezra asked shakily.

“I’ve seen worse, but it ain’t pretty.” Nathan replied, trying to make the gambler smile.

“Be strong, Ezra, the Lord is with you.” Josiah reassured.  
Nathan cut away the fabric of the shirt and Ezra’s shredded shirt fell off his torso.  The amount of blood seeping from the wound was not encouraging.  “Ezra, I’m sorry but I have to get it back out.  Its gonna hurt more coming out than it did going in.” Nathan said apologetically.

“Is that even possible?” Ezra managed a weak smile.

“Afraid so.” Nathan nodded.  He grabbed hold of the knife handle and pulled gently.

Ezra screamed and tried to sit up, but Josiah’s strong arms held him down.

“No…” Ezra whimpered.

“We have to get it out.” Nathan repeated.  “Hold him tight.”

“Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.” Josiah recited in Ezra’s ear.

Nathan repeated the gesture and again Ezra screamed, followed by a quiet and pleading, “Please, master, it hurts…”  Then the gambler passed out under Josiah’s arms.

“Did he… just call me, master?” Nathan asked.

“Think he did.” Josiah answered as he stroked Ezra’s temple gently.


	4. Devil's Advocate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The tables are about to be turned...

The others caught up to Maude and Chris jumped over and took the reins from her.  He slowed the horses to a gentle stop.  “Lady, you don’t know how lucky you are that Ezra doesn’t want us to hurt you.” He growled at her.

“Whatever is going on?” she feigned innocence.

“You robbed the bank and stabbed Ezra, don’t you remember?” Chris pressed.

“I did no such thing!” she denied.

“Ezra told us you did.”

“He lied.” She snapped.

“Then why’s the money in yer carriage?” Vin accused, pulling out the cash for all to see.

“Ezra put it there!  He was snooping around the carriage shortly before I left… he’s trying to frame me!” she turned the accusation back on Ezra.

“ ‘Zat so? Then why’re you the one runnin’ away and he’s the one bleedin’ to death?” Buck growled in her face.

“Easy, Buck.” Chris warned.

“Not this time, Chris!  She’s caused Ezra nothing but pain all his life and it’s high time she answers for it!” Buck glared at her with contempt and disgust.  “You better hope Ezra don’t die.”

“He won’t die, I didn’t push it in hard enough.” She rolled her eyes.

“Ain’t about how hard… it’s about how deep and that handle was all I could see…” Vin stopped short, anger clouding his face.

“Are you saying he’s really hurt?”  she asked.

“That’s usually what happens when you stab somebody.” JD replied flatly.

“You going to come quietly or do we really have to tie you up?” Chris asked.

“You don’t buy that the weasel framed me?” she gasped.

“Nope.  If he did why would you have stabbed him and fled?” Chris answered coolly.

“I didn’t realize he’d put the money in there! I just had to get out of town before he hurt me!  He was trying to force me to confess!  He wanted me to go to jail… it was self defense!” she lied.

“You don’t lie well under pressure.” Buck informed her. “There’s so many holes in that story I could make a fence outta it.”

“Then I guess I surrender, but you’re all making a mistake.” She shrugged.

 

“Josiah, help me roll Ezra onto his side, I have to see the wound better.” Nathan instructed.

Josiah gently tilted the unconscious man’s body at an angle.  He nearly choked when he saw the cris-cross of scars on his back.  “Nathan, look… brother Ezra has more secrets…”

Nathan’s eyes grew wide at the sight, “Someone whipped him bad.”

“Wonder who?” Josiah pondered.

“His mother gave me an answer to that but it didn’t seem right.  I think she lied.” Nathan said.

“More than likely, she seemed hell bent on destroying him when she talked to me.” Josiah agreed.

Nathan cleaned the wound, stitched it up and bandaged his patient.  “He’ll be in a lot of pain when he wakes up, we’ll have to make sure he doesn’t move around too much.”

“When… not if?” Josiah asked hopefully.  “His forehead is burning up and he’s so pale.”

“He lost a lot of blood, that’s why he looks so pale.  And the fever is natural in his condition.  I’ll get a wet rag.  He should be all right if he can get back to consciousness.” Nathan responded.

“He looks so small and helpless like this, without his fancy clothes, without his derringer, with that huge bandage…” Josiah said, remembering what Ezra had looked like as a small boy when he had returned the money his mother took from the collection.

“Ezra’s not helpless, he’s a fighter.” Nathan reassured. “When he needs to be.”

Chris and Buck entered. “How is he?” Chris asked.  
“Unconscious.” Nathan replied.  “He lost a lot of blood and he has a high fever but I think she missed anything inside him that would’ve killed him.  He has more luck than anyone I’ve ever met.” He shook his head in disbelief.

“Let’s not tell his mother that.” Buck suggested.

“What?” Chris looked at him like he was insane.

“Let’s let her sweat it out- con her for a change… make her think she’s really hurt him bad.” Buck schemed.

“She did really hurt his spirit, all his life.” Josiah said softly.

“You mean we should lie to her?” Nathan asked.

“Why not? All she’s ever done is lie to us… might teach her the value of her son’s life?” Buck persuaded.

“You been hanging out with Ezra so much you’re startin’ to be sneaky like him.” Nathan smiled.

“Agreed then?” Buck grinned.

“Yeah.” Nathan said.

“I don’t know why I’m listening to you… but all right.” Chris agreed.

“ ‘Cuz you know I’m right!” Buck answered.

“I’m in.” Josiah nodded.

“Well all right!  I’ll go fill Vin and JD in on our little plan.” Buck flew out of the room.


	5. The Idea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plan put into action.

Maude sat on the bench in the corner of the jail cell. “I can’t stay here, its uncivilized!”

“Sorry, its all we got.” JD shrugged.

Buck came in, looking grim, he motioned for Vin to follow him outside.

“What’s up?  How’s Ezra?” Vin asked.

“Unconscious.  Nathan thinks he will be okay eventually.  He lost a lot of blood though.  We all decided that we ain’t gonna tell his mother that he will probably be all right.  We’re gonna con her into realizing what she’d done. How’s your acting?” Buck explained.

“JD’s is better.” Vin said.

“Okay, send him out.” Buck nodded.

Vin did his best to look somber as he reentered, “JD, Buck needs to see you- outside.”

“Is it… Ezra?” JD hesitated.  “Is he okay?” He was immediately worried at Vin’s tone.

“Just go.” Vin answered.

“What’s wrong?” Maude asked, concerned.

Vin glared at her and sat down at the desk.

“Okay, JD- here’s the thing… Ezra lost a lot of blood and has a fever and he’s out cold, but Nathan says that nothing too damaging happened inside so he will probably be all right.” Buck began.

“Then why’s Vin so upset?” JD asked.

“ ‘Cuz we ain’t gonna tell his mother he’s gonna be okay.  We’re gonna make her sweat, get it?” Buck winked.

“Oh- yeah I get it.”

“I need you to go in there and overreact, make it sound like he’s dying, can you do that?” Buck prodded.

“I think so.” JD nodded.  “Noooooo!” He screamed as he ran back inside.

He startled Vin who almost fell out of the chair.

“Buck!  You’re deaf!  You must have heard Nathan wrong! Ezra has to be okay! He WILL be okay, just you wait and see!” JD sounded half crazed.

“Now JD, settle down!  Just ‘cuz Nathan said that he’d lost more blood than would kill a man twice his size, maybe there’s hope…” Buck tried ineffectively to soothe the youth.

Vin stood up and paced in front of the cell.  “Told ya it isn’t how hard, it’s how deep…” he directed at her.

Maude Standish tried to speak but found that for once she couldn’t.

“I will NOT settle down!  Ezra can’t die!” JD moped.

“Everybody can die, kid.” Vin pointed out.

“I mean NOW!  I have to thank him!” JD spat out.

“Nathan said there ain’t no way of knowing if Ez can hear us or not.” Buck said grimly.

“I don’t care!  I have to try!” JD stormed out.

“I’ll go after him.” Vin shook his head, “You watch our… prisoner.”

Vin found JD fanning himself in front of the saloon.

“Ezra would be proud of your actin’, kid.” Vin smiled.

“It wasn’t all acting.  I’m worried.  I knew Ezra before all this… I have so much I need to say to him.” JD swallowed back tears.

Vin saw his own fear reflected in JD’s eyes.  He grabbed the young man and hugged him close, “I know how you feel, I knew Ezra before this too… He done a lot for me.”

“He won’t die, right?” JD asked.

“Nathan will do his best.” Vin assured him.


	6. The Reconciliation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nathan learns something from JD.

Ezra was sweating.  He momentarily fought his way back to consciousness, “… water?” he whispered, never opening his eyes. “…no… whiskey!” he corrected.

Josiah chuckled, “Water’s safer.” He raised the gambler’s head gently and wet his lips until Ezra automatically opened his mouth.  After he was through, Josiah lay his head back on the pillow, smoothed his sweat drenched hair, mopped his brow and told him to rest.

Nathan came over and checked Ezra’s vital signs.  “He’s asleep.  A real sleep, not out cold.  That’s a good sign.”

“Still so feverish.” Josiah sighed.

“He’s had a shock, it will take time.  But he recognized that he needed water- that’s good.” Nathan smiled.

 

Later on Nathan was napping in the chair in the corner and JD was watching the steady rise and fall of Ezra’s chest.  Ezra started to mumble, “…no sir, I’m sorry, masters, please… don’t…”

His mumbling became louder and he started to thrash.

“Nathan!  What do I do!” JD panicked.

Nathan woke with a start.  “Calm him down I’ll be right there!”

JD started to rub Ezra’s temples, “Easy Ezra… you’re safe.”

“Young Mr. Johnston… please no more…” the Southern drawl slurred by imagined pain from his fever induced dream.

Suddenly JD climbed onto the bed, held Ezra and began to sing, “Hush now, little one, don’t make a sound… Nothing to fear here, my arms surround… Dry all those tears, not one more cry…. I am here always, ever nearby… Nothing can harm you beautiful boy… Keep you so safe with peace, love and joy…”

Nathan froze at the intimacy of the moment and at the fact that it actually worked.  Ezra fell still in JD’s arms.

“What was that song, JD?  It soothed him right away.” Nathan marveled.

“I knew Ezra before we met in Four Corners, only he said his name was Jeremiah back then.  He lived with us for a while.  He saved me from getting horrible things done to me by the stable master until his mother took him back. Jeremiah always sang me that lullaby… I can’t imagine his mother ever sang it to him, so I don’t know where he learned it, and he sounds so much prettier singing it I’m sure.” JD explained.

“Stable master… is that the master he kept talking about?  Did he whip Ezra?” Nathan asked.

“Not like that, Jeremiah, I mean Ezra, had those scars when he came to live with us, only they were… fresher.  He is so brave.” JD ran his hand over the scars gently.

“Did he tell you what happened to him?” Nathan inquired.

“I’m not sure you want to hear it, it involves… slavery.” JD whispered like it was a dirty word.

“I want to know the truth.  His mother said he stole money from someone and they beat him for revenge.” Nathan told him.

“That is NOT what happened!  Ezra was different when I met him then, he was kinder and more honest.  His mother lost him in a poker bet to a plantation owner.  The owner didn’t know what to do with him other than to make him a slave.  He threw him in with them and Ezra was terrified.  The whites there looked down on him and the slaves didn’t trust him.  The master had two mischievous sons who liked to cause trouble.  They let all the chickens out one day and Ezra and this slave boy went to try to catch them.  There was such a ruckus that the master came to see what had happened.  The brothers blamed the slave boy for letting the chickens loose.  The master was going to whip him but Ezra suddenly spoke up.  He told them he had been there the whole time and had seen the brothers let the chickens out and that the slave boy hadn’t even been there until Ezra himself had called for help to catch them.  The master made the brothers catch all the chickens. But later the brothers grabbed Ezra and took him to the barn to punish him and teach him his place.  They beat him up, they stripped him and whipped him, and then they branded him.  He said they told him he’d never be anything more than a slave after that.  He pulled so hard against them that he popped his shoulder out for the very first time.”

A very odd look had settled on Nathan’s face and JD panicked again, “Please don’t be mad.  Ezra wasn’t lying!  I know you probably think he was but he wasn’t!  I know because he did the same for me, he stood up for me and got beat and worse for it.  And I- I’ve seen the brand, he showed it to me right before he had to leave.”

“He did? Did it look like this…?” Nathan rolled up his sleeve and showed JD a mark on his upper arm.

JD studied it, “Yeah- yes… exactly like that only they branded him inside of his upper leg so they wouldn’t get in trouble..”

“Oh… Lord…” Nathan breathed.

“What?” JD gasped.

“I- I was the boy he saved.  I came to help the green eyed, white slave boy catch the chickens… he saved me from being whipped only to be whipped and worse himself… and… I have been… unforgivably awful to him all this time.  He’s just so different now…” Nathan tried to reason it all out.

 

“Look at all his mother put him through, he’s confused.  But if you stop to think on it, Ezra always does the right thing in the end doesn’t he?  He’s just like that.” JD smiled.

“I just thought he was another self-serving Southerner… Ezra, I’m so sorry, thank you.” He patted the gambler’s arm.

“You could try telling him that while he’s awake…” JD suggested.


	7. Non Heartfelt Sentiments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maude realizes her son has changed for good.

The next day as Nathan entered the jail, Chris asked him, “Any change in the patient?”

“Not much, he doesn’t want to wake up much.” Nathan shrugged.

“Excuse me…” Maude called.  “Mr. Jackson, exactly how bad is Ezra?”

“Well, Ma’am, I’m not so sure why you care since you’re the one who made him that way, but he’s very still.  He doesn’t move much, breathes shallow, like I told Chris, he hasn’t woken up more than once.” Nathan answered.

“Can I see him?” she asked.

“So you can stab him again and finish the job?” Chris jumped to his feet.

“NO!” she sounded horrified at the suggestion.  “But if he… That is… I need to see him.”

“Against my better judgment… but I know Ezra would want you to be there… Nathan, take her up there, but you watch her like a hawk.” Chris barked.

Nathan nodded and escorted her up to his makeshift medical room.

“Could you at least stand outside?” she asked.  “This is kind of private.”

Nathan entered and told JD to come stand outside with him.

Maude looked down at her son.  He looked frail.  His skin was milky white, and he was sweating indicating a fever.  The raised marks on his left cheek reminded her of her part in his condition.  She glanced at the horribly large bandage around where she had stabbed him.  “Oh Ezra boy, what have I done?” she gasped.  She touched his cheek along the bone and it was burning hot.  “Your handsome face… I’m sorry.” She smoothed down his sweat soaked hair and placed a cool, wet towel on his forehead.  “You better open those beautiful green eyes, you hear me?” she ordered.  “I’m not playing with you, Ezra…”  She walked around the bed and caught a glimpse of his back.  She had only glanced at it even though he had told her what happened.  Somehow if she didn’t see it then it wasn’t real.  She lost her breath for a moment realizing the violence that had to have been involved in making scars like those she now really looked at for the first time. Her hand went to her mouth and she breathed, “Oh, Lord… they whipped you bad.”  She regained her composure. “We don’t always see eye to eye and I am not the kind of woman you needed me to be.  You always tried to follow my lead but I could tell your heart wasn’t fully in it.  You have goodness inside you that you certainly never inherited from me.”  She traced her hand down his jawbone lightly. “You need to wake up- I can’t be the one who killed you.” She whispered.  “Truth is, Ezra, what you have here in this town- I can’t understand it.  I don’t know how you won all these men over, you’re like magic.  I’m jealous you found a home.  I shouldn’t be.  I treated you so horribly, why should I be surprised you’d choose them over me?  I am sorry I hurt you, I am not the forgiving kind, I’m not like you.  But I promise you that I never meant for this to happen.” She touched the bandaged knife wound gently.

 

Ezra stirred, aware of a female voice, “M… mother?” he called weakly. “I love you.”

“What?” She pretended she hadn’t heard him clearly and rushed back up to his head.

Realizing she would never say those words, he changed the message to, “Water, please?”

She lifted his head gently and helped him to drink.

“Mother, it has occurred to me that I have been most unfair to you.  I was too young to fully appreciate what a burden I must have been to you.  I couldn’t understand why you weren’t the kind of mother that other boys had.  But I understand now.  I was just the means to an end for you.  I was a tool to barter with, to sharpen and perfect, an object for you to use.  I didn’t understand, but now I do- forgive me?” Ezra looked up at her, his voice hoarse but clear.

“You were born under unfortunate circumstances.” Was all she replied.  In her head she scolded herself.  She had just stabbed her own son, who had always loved and respected her, even when it caused him pain and suffering, and HE was the one asking forgiveness.  “Everything I did, I did to teach you to rely on yourself, and to make you stronger.”

“Sometimes it’s far more stimulating to rely on others…” he answered softly.

“Don’t waste all your energy talking.” She admonished.

Ezra sighed, which hurt his ribs.  “You don’t forgive me do you?  You wish I hadn’t been born.  You can’t overlook all the times I messed up your plans with my infernal morals… I see…” he closed his eyes, trying to stop her from seeing the pain in them.

“Ezra!  Don’t talk to your mother like that!” she scolded as she walked away from the bed.

“Is that even my real name?  Every time we went to a new place my name changed.” Ezra asked, a slight quaver in his voice.

“Yes, Ezra is your real name.”

“Good, at least the epitaph will be right.” He said.

“I know your life has been less than ideal but it was all I could do Ezra!  You were a mouth I needed to feed and I had to make money to do that.”

“Mother, it is entirely my fault.  I think you made it pretty clear when you tried to disembowel me.” he said, clenching his teeth against the emotion.

“I didn’t try to… disembowel you I didn’t mean it to go in that far.  I was angry and warning you to back off.”

Ezra coughed and then winced at the pain the movement caused to his wound.

“Don’t get all worked up…” She came back to his side.  She removed the no longer cool towel and felt his face, he was still extremely warm.

“Is my last name really Standish?” Ezra asked weakly, struggling to stay awake.

“Yes, your father’s last name was Standish.”

“My father… why won’t you ever tell me about him?” He begged.

“Ezra, your father was a soldier.  He died shortly before you were born.  We’d been married a few months… the last letter I received from him, he was so happy we were having a child.  He wrote that if the baby was a boy, he would like to name him, Ezra.  When you were born I granted his last request to me, even though the miserable son of a bitch got himself shot and left me to raise you alone.  You reminded me of him, that’s why I changed your name so much.”

“Is that the… truth?” Ezra asked timidly.  “Honestly?”  his big green eyes pleaded with her.

“Yes, it is.  I don’t like to talk about him.” she stroked his hair. “Now I told you, so rest.”

“But why did you tell me that he wasn’t in the army?  That he was a gambler you met in Georgia?” Ezra asked fighting sleep.

“I didn’t want you to get any bright ideas…” she replied.

 

“Am I anything like him?”

  
“Frighteningly so.  You have his eyes, his beautiful green eyes, and his good heart. Now hush before you talk yourself to death.” She said as she pulled a chair up beside the bed and took his hand.

His soft breathing let her know he had once again drifted off to sleep.


	8. Ultimatum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris lays down the law.

Chris entered the room later, “Do you promise to leave and never come back here if I let you go?  I know Ezra doesn’t want you to go to prison.”

“Never come back?  Never see him again?” she asked.

“Not here.”

“Can I write to him?” she asked.

“If you must.  What he needs you won’t give him.  You’re too selfish.”

“You have no idea what I went through…” she growled.

“I know what Ezra went through.  You abused him, maybe not by your own hands, but with your words, with your actions.  You’re still abusing him.  Let him go.  Set him free.  If you have any love at all for your son, leave him alone.  He’s happy here.  He doesn’t need any more of your ‘lessons’ in life.” Chris replied.

“Can I wait until he wakes up?  Can I at least say goodbye?” she asked.

“As long as that’s all you say.”

“What do you mean?”

Chris got into her face, “I know you.  I know how you manipulate him.  I don’t put it past you to say the words he wants you say just so he will tell me not to banish you from Four Corners.  Or maybe you’ll try to convince him to come with you.  It is not going to happen.  Ezra is MINE now.  You had your shot and you blew it.”

“Why do you want him?” she asked.

“Because unlike you I can admit that I love and need him.” Chris spat out.

“You love him?”

“Yes.  I do.” Chris challenged, staring her down.

“I- I can’t compete with that.” She sighed.

“Nope.” Chris smiled.

“Fine… I’ll leave as soon as he wakes up.” she agreed.

“Yes you will and you won’t tell him that I’m the reason you aren’t coming back.  OH and by the way Buck reads all the letters you send Ezra… so no telling him there either.” Chris warned.

 

Ezra woke later that day.  “Hello, Ezra dear.” She smiled sweetly.

“Hello mother.” Ezra said softly. “I feel better.”

“I’m glad you feel better, Nathan said you were probably going to be okay now that you had woken up.  I’m sorry for hurting you and I wish you a speedy recovery.” She told him.

“I’m sorry that my father died and left you alone with a baby.” Ezra said to her, as he took her hand in his.  “I understand why you can’t love me now.  But just know that I will always love you.”

She ran her hand down his face.  “I know you do.  I can’t say I’m happy for your choice to stay in this hell hole of a town, but if it makes you happy…”

“It does.” He smiled sadly.

“I understand.” She nodded.

“You do?” Ezra tilted his head.

“Hard as it is to believe, yes I do, I was in love once, with your father.” She patted him on the head.  “Now be a good boy.” She kissed his cheek, where she had scratched him, trying to erase the pain she caused.

She got up and left without another word.

“What did she mean she was in love once?  Who said anything about me staying because I’m in love?” Ezra was confused.

“Aren’t you?” Chris smiled as he sat down in the seat she had vacated and took Ezra’s hand in his.  “You heard your mother, be a good boy and get better.”

Ezra nodded. “I’m trying.”

“You got a lot of men that want to talk to you once you’re strong enough.  Seems you have a quite a past with each of us.” Chris smiled.

Ezra nodded.  “Yes, sir, I do.”

“We all love you.” Chris reassured him.

“I love all of you too, that’s why I’m still here.” Ezra smiled back.


End file.
